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A Cynics Guide to Online Chat What is Online Chat ? |
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A Cynics Guide to Online Chat What is Online Chat ? |
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What is online chat ? - Personal computing and
the internet have made possible the biggest and most liberating revolution
in personal communication the world has ever seen. All around the globe,
people in their millions are getting online and connecting with others.
Email was the first big thing but it is rapidly being overtaken by instant
messaging (IM) and online chat. Put in the simplest terms, Online Chat
is a means of conversing in real-time via your computer keyboard and screen
with anyone else on the internet. You can either talk to them directly,
person-to person in a private conversation not visible to others, or you
can talk in a channel or chat-room (the words are inter-changeable ). A
chat-room is like a public room with a number of people in. You can see
their chosen nicknames and also their public conversations on your screen
and join in yourself if you want. You can also can talk privately to anyone
there so that no-one else can see your conversation. There are tens of
thousands of chat-rooms, catering for every kind of interest under the
sun. Here though we're concentrating on the use of online chat and chatrooms
for BDSM activities . |
| What do people do in chatrooms ? - Everything their imaginations can come up with. Unfortunately not too many people have that good an imagination, so a great deal of socialising in online BDSM chatrooms exists at the level of terminal banality. You can spend hours watching conversations that would make watching paint dry seem like a big adrenalin rush. But some people like that, and thats fine. Or you can have every kind of wild and perverted cyber-sex you've ever dreamed of. Some people like that too. A lot of what goes on in BDSM online chatrooms is just friendly chit-chat, as indeed are a lot of the private conversations. Of course some people also "play" or "scene" both privately and in chatrooms too. This is where they have "cyber-sex" or act out BDSM fantasies. If you've ever wanted to dress up as Osama Bin Laden while being whipped with wet lettuce, then its time you gave online chat a try. |
| What is virtual D/s and cybersex ? - In some BDSM chat-rooms 'sceneing' or cybersex is either permitted or encouraged. Two or more people will construct a shared sexual or D/s fantasy, describing how they feel and what they are 'doing' to each other. They may be accompanied by physical actions (eg the notorious 'one-handed typing') or everything may happen just in their minds and on the screen. Many people regard cybersex as harmless fantasy because they say its not happening in the 'real world'. Well, thats debatable. Within this new BDSM 'cyber-world' people make friends, fall in love, break each others hearts, and do all of the things that they might do in the 'real world', but without physically being together. People can have a promiscuous orgy of 'virtual sex' every night, or they can form stable and loving D/s relationships. For some the world of 'virtual BDSM' is just an online diversion which has no reality or meaning once their computer is switched off. For others, perhaps isolated by geography or social commitments, it represents the only chance they have to explore an important part of their make-up. For some people it provides an opportunity to search for and find their 'soul-mate' in a way that would never be possible in 'real-life'. Views about 'virtual' D/s are mixed. Some regard it as nothing more than a diverting game, and argue that a 'real' D/s relationship is only possible where the people are physically together. Others say that D/s is, in essence, the relationship between two minds and that this finds its purest and most powerful form online rather than in 'real-life'. Decide for yourself. |
| How do I get started ? - most new computers come already set up with some kind of software that will let you chat with people online. AOL, for example, has built-in instant messaging software and many online 'communities' where you can chat with others. ICQ (a free download from http://web.icq.com/ ) is a powerful online communication tool with millions of users and lots of BDSM communities and chat-rooms.The original, and still wildly popular, chat-medium is Internet Relay Chat (IRC) which has a huge number of BDSM related chat rooms on its many servers. You can get helpful information about how to get started on IRC here ( http://www.irc.org/) . The range of software to chat online is growing and changing each day, so this is just a sample but hopefully it will be enough to get you started. |
| Where can I find BDSM chatrooms ? - this is such a huge and rapidly changing area that lists of chatrooms go out of date very quickly. Both AOL and ICQ have flourishing BDSM and D/s chatrooms and communities if you search for them. IRC probably still has the widest variety of BDSM, spanking, fetish and D/s chatrooms of all kinds, so if thats your preference then here's a pretty good list of irc chatrooms to try out. You can also check out our own BDSM Cafe link page which also lists enough suitable IRC channels to get you started. Many BDSM websites also have links to chatrooms. |
| What are BDSM chatrooms like ? - as varied as the people who visit them. Some are relaxed places to chat, some focus on worthy discussions about aspects of BDSM, some impose rigid codes of conduct, and others are mostly about online 'sceneing' and cybersex. If I had to generalise, I'd say that online BDSM chat-rooms are usually harmless places and more like childrens playgrounds than anything else. The liberating effect of online anonymity makes many people revert to their childhood personas, so there are always the same kind of show-offs and bullies and tantrums that you'd find in any playground, as well as the good kids playing nicely. Guys turn cart-wheels to impress the girls and middle-aged moms go all girly re-living high-school crushes. Be that as it may, there is no excuse ever for anyone being rude or impolite to you online in a way you would not accept in 'real-life'. There's usually a lot more men than women cruising around online, by the way, so females are often pestered. Use a non-gender specific nickname or get used to it. Some ladies, of course, love the attention. |
| What about safety and cyber-stalking ? - Its a sad fact that people are often more comfortable having deep, personal conversations with strangers than with those close to them. Remember though that, however charming a person sounds, you really know nothing about them except what they tell you, which may not be the truth. Your revered online 'Master' may in fact be a timid batchelor still living with his mom. Your new 'best-friend' may turn out to be a fruit-loop or a limpet that you can't shake. Protect your 'real' life and the people in it from online fall-out. Don't give out personal information, telephone numbers, or addresses unless you're 100% sure about who you're giving them to. As long as you're careful in this respect you can, in the worst case, change your nick-name, your email account, your isp, or even switch the computer off and leave it off to get rid of pests. Harder to do if they're knocking on your front door. I don't mean to sound too negative, but the internet can be dangerous in ways most people don't realise so just be sensible and look after yourself. OK ? |
| What else do I need to know ? - not much. Be careful who you trust, be skeptical about the things you're told, and remember what you do in online chat always involves real people who have real feelings. |
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